Snow Globe

Does anyone harbor a cavernous irritation for the snow? In a way I believe it’s a gift from beyond, but at the same time I believe it’s a curse from beneath. Snow is very much like sand. They both start as small and irritating particles that eventually get everywhere. Although snow does eventually melt unlike sand that knars and sticks to your skin like leaches. Am I exaggerating? I think not. I often contemplate the idea that we are all contained by a seasonal snow globe. Am I crazy? I think not. Now this supposition might not sound full-proof but go with me on this. I beg of you. You are my only hope (Star Wars Princess Lea). I am going to assume that the people reading this column and my self have never ventured into space, and I feel of the utmost confidence to assume such a thing. Now where was I? Oh yeah, were all contained by a seasonal snow globe. Now since none of us have ventured into space how are we to know that people like Neil Armstrong and the other space dudes are telling the truth? With today’s video effect technology you can make anything seem real even your own suicide. Why people don’t do that to clean up on life insurance I will never know? So I think the government is protecting us from the real reality we all face; that we all are contained by a seasonal snow globe. Honestly it would relieve me to know that we are all contained by a seasonal snow globe. Why you might ask? I will tell you. I could stop preparing for an alien invasion and stop buying aluminum. Also we need never worry about a giant asteroid coming and splitting the earth and ending all mankind as we know it (now logically that would never work unless we had an asteroid proof snow globe, I mean come on). I mean now even earth quakes make since now. It’s just the creator of the snow globe shaking us around*. In conclusion, we are all contained by a seasonal snow globe and our destiny lies in the hands of the snow globe maker. May he have mercy on us.

The Ego

The big bang theory is closely similar to the intricate male ego. The big bang theory states that at some definite point in space time there was a fire ball. Now let’s look at the commonalities. Ego in the Greek means pile of burning fuel. Just as that fire ball needs fuel so does the intricate male ego. The big bang theory also states that the fire ball was so hot that it needed to cool down; subsequently it expanded at a rapid rate and created this vast universe (Darwin 9). The male ego is overflowing with testosterones plus pride and desires to inflate its bubble. So men, let your ego inflate its bubble and never be humble.

The Angel

I apologize for the story postponement you all had to undergo, but I contain this metal plate within my head and each time I am around a microwave I damp my self and forget my name for thirty-minutes. Long story short (well I guess it isn’t a long story then) I am the third Samuel in the Mcvay family hierarchy. So my whole entire life I am known as the third, remind you I will always be third never, ever, eternally, always forever be second(?)*. I came to a lackluster** realization that I am of no significance, and I suck. So as I found myself gazing downward through the open end of a 12-gauge I saw an Angel emerge from the fourth dimension to the third.I know what your thinking, and yes the Angel was in the open end of the 12-gauge. The Angel said, “ Samuel, you are of significance, and you don’t suck. You are the third, so we shall call you the charm for third times a charm.” That’s pretty much how life really got started for me. Since then I’ve always found the answer to my problems in the open end of a 12-gauge.

*I really have no idea.
**Ya, I said it.

The Charm

I know that all of you conscientious readers of my posts (if you have any bright brain cells you would probably laugh by now or light up a dark room) are wondering the following questions: Why would I call my self the charm? Or how did I come upon such a stupendous name? Well, initially you would think its from my handsome features but hold on- now brace yourself-this might be a bolt from the blue-it is not from my handsome features. At this moment if you just started urinating uncontrollably and ruined your fifty-dollar silk underwear I would not be at all flabbergasted.

To Be Continued…